Grace Is Gone (2007)

 GRIEF
"the usual expected reaction to change that is experienced in the form of loss."

"a process that involves feelings such as anger & sadness, followed by reassessment & reorganization of oneself & one's perspective."

 – Delahanty & Washburn (2016)

BEREAVEMENT
"term applied to the loss of a significant person, e.g. spouse, child, etc."

 – Delahanty & Washburn (2016)

'Grace Is Gone'
 Simple, emotional, and impactful.
Though the plot is straightforward & lacks any eventful or unexpected turns, it makes up for it with the depth of the emotions portrayed through the characters.  Even though there is no face with which to pair the mother to, it isn't difficult to resonate with the characters' grief seeing as it is such a strong emotion.

In essence, this film has a story that is easy to understand &  relate to as everyone will have encounter the loss of a loved one.  If you are able to make it through life without having to grief & mourn a loved one's death, you are one of the lucky ones.

The more "accurate" term in this case would be bereavement based on definition, but for the sake of simplicity I shall use the term 'grief' throughout.

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THEORIES OF GRIEF

Kübler-Ross' 5 Stages Of Grief (Delahanty & Washburn, 2016)

Commonly, this is the go-to theory when describing grief.  However, one detail of this theory that is often overlooked or unknown is that Kübler-Ross did her research on terminally ill patients and their reactions when confronted with the inevitable truth that they will die (I am guilty of this too until I was enlightened recently).  Hence, her 5 stages of grief do not apply to people who are experiencing someone else's death but rather to people who have to face their own anticipatory death.

Bowlby & Parkes' 4 Phases of Grief/Bereavement (Delahanty & Washburn, 2016)

Similar to Kübler-Ross' model, Bowlby & Parkes' theories proposes that people experience grief in a systematic process.  His study was focused on children [also the same person who proposed the evolutionary theory of attachment] who were separated from their mothers, & later included adult mourning.  He found that there was a similar pattern & eventually specified the 4 phases: shock & numbness, yearning & searching, disorganization & despair, & reorganization & recovery.
His fourth phase takes on a more humanistic approach when compared to previously proposed models as he believes for a person to complete the grieving process, they will restructure their self & perceptual field & similar to Kübler-Ross' model, accept the loss & move on.

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Recent proposed theories & models of grief contradict the Bowlby & Kübler-Ross' theories, stating that the grief process if highly individualized & complicated, & not as structured & predictable as presented.
That being said, there are some commonalities in the later theories, though the details & specifics vary in terms of how it is experienced & suggest that there is a sort of spectrum rather than opposing ends.

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Complicated Grief (Delahanty & Washburn, 2016)

Unexpected, sudden or violent deaths, or suicides can lead to complicated grief, in which the grieving person experience prolonged or extreme grief reactions.  This form of grief is often associated with depression, physical illness & heightened risk of mortality among grieving individuals.

Thankfully, the grief experienced by Phillips family does not extend into this as they are aware of the possibility that Grace may not return from the war, though it is unspoken & almost taboo to speak about in the family.

Niederhoffer & Straus (2007)

Notice the slight dread & tremor in Stanley's voice when he tells Heidi to turn the TV back on, & her slightly fearful & hesitant response.

Stroebe & Schut's Dual Process Model [DPM] (Stroebe & Schut, 2010)

Stroebe & Schut (1998) proposed a dual process process model of coping with bereavement, where they integrated & drew from existing ideas & traditional models, but also introduced a new concept that a grieving individual fluctuates between 2 forms of coping behaviours: confronting or avoiding tasks involved with grieving.
While previous models & theories propose that directly confronting a loss is necessary in order to continue on in life, Stroebe & Schut posit that sometimes avoiding grief can be a helpful way of coping with the loss, depending on the circumstances.

The primary & secondary stressors involved in the coping process:

Simplified DPM Model of Coping with Bereavement Buglass (2010)
Loss-oriented Processes	Restoration-oriented Processes
Grief work	Attending to life changes
Intrusion of grief	Distraction from grief
Denial/avoidance of restoration changes	Doing new things
Breaking bonds/ties	Establishing new roles/identities/relationships

 
Lose-oriented stressors revolve around evaluating & processing aspects of the loss experience, i.e. grief work, which is the dwelling on or even searching for the person lost.
Restoration-oriented stressors focus on secondary stressors, i.e. the consequences of bereavement, which reflect the struggle an individual goes through when trying to reorient oneself to a changed world without the deceased by rethinking & re-planning life.

Comparison of Models (Stroebe & Schut, 2010)
Bowlby’s Phase Model	Worden’s Task Model	Stroebe & Schut’s DPM
Shock	Accept reality of loss	Accept reality of loss . . . & accept reality of changed world.
Yearning/protest	Experience of pain of grief	Experience pain of grief . . . & take time off from pain of grief.
Despair	Adjust to life without deceased	Adjust to life without deceased . . . & master the changed (subjective) environment.
Restitution	Relocate deceased emotionally & move on	Relocate deceased emotionally and move on . . . & develop new roles, identities, relationships.

The major difference of the DPM is that they focus on the coping process during grieving, rather than the consequences or outcomes that stem from grieving.  In my opinion, this model is more compatible with the grief that is portrayed in the film through the characters.


Throughout the film the DPM is mostly applicable to only Stanley Phillips, as he constantly fluctuates between 'avoiding' grief (in front of his girls), to dealing, accepting & expressing it (in private).

Acceptance

Processing/Yearning

Avoidance

Stanley delaying telling the girls that their mother was killed in action, abruptly taking them out for dinner, then again, out of character, suddenly allowing them to miss school & taking them to on a trip [avoidance].

Niederhoffer & Straus (2007)

"What if we did right now went to Enchanted Gardens?"
– Stanley Phillips

In his attempts to cope, Stanley calls their house phone to hear Grace's voice on the answering machine, admitting that he is at a complete lost on how to tell the girls & wishing that she was still around to help him [yearning].

At the end of the trip, Stanley finally musters up the courage to tell the girls the truth, though Heidi had already found out the night before because she was suspicious of how her father was acting so out of character & behaving strangely.

Heidi grieving the lost of her mother after secretly listening to her father's message left on the answering machine.

The Phillips family as a whole accepting the loss of Grace & experiencing grief together

At the end of the movie, Heidi can be heard reciting a beautiful eulogy at her mother's funeral.  The movie ends on the assumption that as a whole they have accepted Grace's death & are gradually starting to readjust to a new life without her.

The Phillips family waiting for Dawn's watch alarm to go off as it signifies the synchronized time with Grace Phillips.

– End –

References

Buglass, E. (2010). Grief and bereavement theories. Nursing Standard, 24(41), 44-47.

Delahanty, E. J., & Washburn, A. (2016). Grieving in psychopathology. In Salem press encyclopedia of health. Retrieved from Ebscohost Database

Niederhoffer, G., Rattray, C., Lundberg, D. P., & Cusack, J. (Producers), & Strouse, J. C. (Director). (2007). Grace is gone [Motion picture]. United States: The Weinstein Company.

Stroebe, M., & Schut, H. (2010). The dual process model of coping with bereavement: A decade later. Omega: Journal of Death and Dying, 61(4), 273-289. doi:10.2190/om.61.4.a